I’m making a huge assumption that I’m not the only man in the world who has difficulties understanding what the (in my case) Better Half is thinking.
It was easier to avoid conflict with people when I was single (I’d just walk away) or pre-kids (I’d just let it wash over me, or talk through things over a cuppa), but in the heat of parenting, where tempers can be flared and we’re always multi tasking, conflict can indeed rear its ugly head.
You try keeping your cool, on 3 hours sleep, whilst getting a kid ready for school, watching them try to do their coat zip up by themselves…
I like to think of myself as pretty good at reading people, but every now and again (I’d say, at least once a day… no, make that once an hour) I find I’ve unwittingly committed a heinous crime. An unspeakable act. A monumental cock up… and I’ve no idea that I’ve even done it. The only remnants of my acts are the murderous glances that my wife shoots my way.
So, if like me, you’ve ever come unstuck when it comes to delivering on the expectations of your amazing wife and mother of your little ‘uns, then you might just find the below bloody useful. I took the liberty of speaking with over 20, yes 20, mums, to hear what they’ve got to say about what they want in their partner.
This is effing gold-dust lads… I should be charging a fortune for this. But, I love you all and want to give something back to the Dad FC fans. Without further ado, here’s what the mums said:
Keep a positive head, whilst all about you are losing theirs
“A good sense of humour – being able to laugh together makes the tough times better.” Debbie at myboysclub.co.uk
“I value the way my husband doesn’t care about looking silly to make our girls laugh.” Amy at thesmallestofthings.com
“He makes me laugh every day and reminds me to have fun once in a while, away from the chores, kids, work and adult stuff that can get super heavy sometimes.” Lisa at thatbritishbetty.com
Do lots of little things
“He brings me a cup of tea in bed EVERY morning. That means more than anything! It’s the little things!” Zoe at Lycrawidow.com
“What I value most in my partner is those moments when he picks up on something small, and possibly insignificant, that I’ve done throughout the day. It shows that he really appreciates the work that I put in to our family life everyday.” Katy at katykicker.com
“He really fancies me! I’m terrible at being in “mum mode” and shrug him off as I’m feeling fat and frumpy, but he makes feel good and there’s more to life than the kids!” Helena at babyfoote.com
“I value the lie-ins that he let’s me have on mornings he doesn’t work and the fact he trusts and we do everything as equals when it comes to Logan..we take everything in turns.” Maria at Mummytologan.com
“He supports my mental health issues and understands me. Plus he brings me a cuppa in bed daily.” Kelly at thebestversionofkelly.com
“I value most him thinking and preempting things! It doesn’t always happen but when it does I’m forever grateful!” Emma at meandbmaketea.com
Put family first
“He is funny, unselfish and loving with both me and our children. He never criticises and always wants to be with us. Our family always come first. So, I suppose what I am saying is that you always need to show your partner and children that they are the most important thing in your life.” Nikki at yorkshirewonders.co.uk
“Am I allowed to answer even though I don’t have a partner? If it’s about what mums want from the father of their kid then from a single mum perspective it would just be nice if they could prioritise their kid. Like pay maintenance instead of saying they couldn’t afford it cause they had to have a holiday. Or bother to show up to see the kid and not claim they were ill/ tired etc etc.” Ruth at ellamentalmama.com
“He is the only person who is as interested as me in all of the mundane bits of our kids life, from the colour of their poo to their hilarious comments.” Caroline at sprogonthetyne.com
“He’s never pressured me to go back to work since little N arrived, he’s happy to take charge of the bills while I enjoy being a full time mama for the next few years & I know he understands it’s the right decision for us as a family so I don’t have to feel any guilt when he leaves for work every day.” Hannah at theamphletts.com
Get involved with the chores
“I haven’t changed a litter tray or the bin in 4 years so that’s appreciated.” Caroline at sprogonthetyne.com
“He shares anything child related, does his share of the cooking, and encourages me to go out and have time to myself.” Sarah at digitalmotherhood.com
“We share parenting duties and household chores but at the end of the day it means so much to know that he loves me as much as I love him.” Nicola at Mummywales.blogspot.co.uk
“Equality and balance. It’s important to me that my partner shares half the tasks and puts the same amount of effort into our relationship and family as I do.” Nyomi at nomipalony.com
“Even after a long day at work, he comes home and makes tea before helping me put our son to bed. He doesn’t assume that because I have been home with our son, I haven’t been doing anything or that I should be making his tea.” Jenni at chillingwithlucas.com
“When I don’t have to clean up after him! He works, so I don’t mind being the main cleaner etc, but I don’t need anymore adding to the load with a 3 month old baby and several pets to look after – pick your towel and boxers up off the bathroom floor!! (This never happens!)” Amy at mamaloveslochy.com
Show you love her
“He actively seeks out time on our own. He books tickets and tables and MIL to baby sit, so we can go out as we did before the kids. He also adopted my live of tennis, so we can join a club together and play. That he takes the initiative on the weekends and we’re off to day outs, walks, picnics etc.” Eva at captainbobcat.com
“His support. He cheers me on through everything. If I am ever worried about something I can talk things through, he listens and tells me that no matter the outcome, he will have my back. It’s so important. As a mum he has championed me through all the decisions I have made in how to raise our son- the biggest being baby led weaning.” Nicola at mummytodex.com
“Understanding: To understand that sometimes I am emotional, sometimes I am tired and grumpy, and sometimes I will be the best wife ever! I am a normal person after all.” Stephanie at blog.bay-bee.co.uk
“Respect. Our relationship is not all hearts and flowers but we respect each other which to me is far more important than someone that puts the loo seat down… I wish he’d put the effing loo seat down though.” Erica at theincidentalparent.com
Well that’s the weekend sorted! My wife will be waking, after a long lie in, to a nice cuppa. She’ll then be whisked off with the kids on a family adventure. The car journey with 2 kids in the back will be pure bliss (or we’ll at least pretend it is). Once home, I’ll fix the dinner then we’ll do the bath and bedtime routine together. Then it’s a chinwag in front of the fire, instead of a beer in front of Match of The Day.
Thank you mums!